I sit here with a huge grin on my face. And by huge I mean very pregnant, fat grin. And hugely happy grin. Haha. Walt and I calculated a few months ago that by the time Emerson gets here we will have been pregnant 42% of the time we’ve been married. We need a break! I’m going to start a crowd funding page for a vacation to somewhere tropical for me and the mister. Totally kidding. But we are going to take a trip… any suggestions? I’m fine on an airplane for about 2.5 hours IF I’ve been supplied with at least two drink tickets. Keepin’ it real.
Anyway. I sit in my breakfast room this afternoon with a very quiet house. Fenley is with my parents. Walt is working. And I’m counting down the hours until we meet Emerson and soaking up the Spirit. Also counting God’s faithfulness in this chapter of life. I’m overwhelmed by His goodness and His pursuit today. I am completely anxious about having a c section and a new baby this week. So many unknowns. I am a realist to a fault. Many things that can still go wrong. Much potential for complete heartache. I’m not naive or oblivious to the reality that not every healthy, term pregnancy has a happy ending. Anytime a mama goes in to have a baby, there are simply risks and I know this. I’m also a chicken.
But God… He makes me brave and excited and happy and puts this goofy fat grin on my face at almost 39 weeks pregnant.
He has come to me today. To me!!!!!! What??? He comes to me??? And you know what He’s done? He has whispered faithfulness and reminded me of all the nuggets along the way He has given me about Emerson and shouted love and comforted and quieted and has promised to be enough. I’ve lived my worst nightmare through the diagnosis and death of Wills. And He was enough. I just spent an hour on the couch looking through pictures from 2013 and 2014 and 2015. And all I can see is FAITHFULNESS. Even pictures of Wills the day he died I see God’s perfect fingerprints. And speaking of God’s fingerprints, I have a pretty good hunch I’m about to live my greatest dream by getting to welcome another beautiful big healthy girl into the world to grow here with our family and it overwhelms my heart with gratitude. Gratitude times gratitude. He lights me up with His love and His promises.
Ohhhhh His promises. Absolute medicine to my soul… flipped open my bible to this psalm TODAY after praying about having Emerson this week.
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – He will watch over your life; The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121.
BOOM. Amen. Hallelujah!!!
A God that encourages, cares and loves on this little mama and any other person that comes to His throne. I lay my tarnished pennies at His altar. And He doesn’t look at me like I’ve wasted His precious time. He looks at me and says “Give me your ashes and fears and pennies and also your trust and let me give you perfect love that makes life worth living.” That’s Who is perfectly worthy of my everything. I fail Him daily and His grace abounds. He loves my offering. He loves me. If it were just me and Him, He would do it all over again. As I read back over my emails with Ruth I see deeper and deeper her emphasis on His love for us. Not what are we doing for Him but how well do we know His love? Then from that comes a beautiful work. Again, huge grin on this chubby face.
Prayers so appreciated as we anticipate having and holding and loving on Emerson! Fenley is so excited she almost goes into a convulsion when we talk about it. She is REALLY into helping out right now and is convinced Emerson is going to sleep with her in her bed the night we come home from the hospital. Lord, help us!
Just a heads up. Going to start blogging more I think but going to be a little shorter and more to the point and have a few more memories thrown in so if that’s not your thing you may want to unsubscribe now 🙂 I plan to gush about my two girls a LOT. And hopefully about a tropical vacation at some point in the next 18 months. Insert another huge grin.
If you would please pray for us that would be so so so appreciated. Health for Emerson. Health and peace for mama. Joy for Fenley and Walt. Obvious God fingerprints. Smooth delivery. And all glory to God, the perfect Giver of all GOOD THINGS.
Love y’all and thanks for walking through the last two years with us and now as we welcome this precious miracle straight from God… stay tuned!!!