“Lord, You can’t POSSIBLY want ME to write ANYTHING tonight claiming anything about You. Seriously? You think I should write, Lord?? Even after the day I’ve had? Heck, let’s be real, the month I’ve had? Ok. Fine. I get it… I’ll write.”
I’ve shown my butt more this month than I have in the last 31 years combined I do believe. Something about the holidays and the clutter and the grief and the expectations and the umm, togetherness. It sends my OCD, tidy, closet introvert, idealistic personality over the edge.
I’m not an Advent practicer. I simply do not have the energy, patience or desire to do any of it. I ordered 3 Advent books this year in the hope that it would inspire me to start doing Advent activities with Fenley. And considering it’s the 22nd and we’ve done 4 so far, December 2016 is looking like a very promising time for me to get on the Advent train. I can feel it.
To go ahead and rub salt on the wound of not being an Advent guru, I am an avid lover of all things Elf on the Shelf. We have the cartoon recorded. “Sparkle TuTu” gets lots of credit around this house. She’s left us all sorts of notes and hot chocolate to drink and cookies to bake. We love Sparkle TuTu.
On top of that, I beheaded one of my Wise Men today. I knocked him over turning on my lamps to get my house lighting just right. The headless Wise Man. Gotta be a message in there somewhere about wisdom or something like that. Meh. Too tired to figure it out.
So when I felt like God was stirring in me to write tonight, I’m thinking no way. I’m a failure this Christmas. In abundance this Christmas… I’ve fought with Walt. I’ve been selfish. I’ve eaten too much cookie dough. I’ve gotten my panties in a wad about stupid stuff. I’ve yelled at Fenley. I’ve cussed more this month than all of 2015 combined. I’ve done very little abiding in the Word. I’ve spent too much money. I’ve fretted like Martha instead of listening like Mary. Period. There was just simply no way around this confession if I was going to write. So, no Lord, I don’t think it’s a good idea I write anything during the month of December. Let’s just glaze over that month and start fresh in 2016, mkay? I’d like to keep my highlight reel just that, a HIGHlight reel. Not a freaking LOWlight reel. But He prompted me a few times in my heart to write and gave me a few sentences and so here I am. Baring my dang lowlight reel.
Reminds me of someone else I’ve heard about…….and yes I just googled this verse.
“To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ‘Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people – robbers, evildoers, adulterers – or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
‘I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who humble themselves will be exalted.’
This night, this tomorrow, this week, this Christmas, this new year I want to just get off of my high horse. I want to own where I am. I am the tax collector. I simply am. But He promises good fruit and abundant life. How does that happen? How does a tax collector like me get transformed? Instead of fretting and gossiping and complaining and yelling, could I maybe try praying and seeking and serving and abiding?
“Morning by morning He dispenses His justice, and every new day He does not fail.”
Morning by morning He dispenses His goodness. He’s dispensing it but I am simply avoiding (yes, avoiding) Him. Letting that sink in. Ouch.
Are you avoiding Him too? What could you take OFF of that list to just go curl up with a cup of coffee and His Word tomorrow?
I’m officially signing off right this second to go spend time with Him.
(“I will NOT go heat up the glue gun to fix the headless Wise Man. I will NOT go heat up the glue gun to fix the headless Wise Man. I will NOT go heat up the glue gun to fix the headless Wise Man.”)
Good night lovely world… whatever you do tomorrow, be sure you carve out some time to ABIDE for apart from Him we can do NOTHING. John 15.