Still Marvelous

So I just sat down to my quiet time. Fenley is asleep. Walt is working and I was/am giddy about sitting down to seek my Saviors face and get to know Him more and more. Oh how I love the intimacy He has created here. Unlike anything else I have ever experienced. 

And as I was reading through psalm 90 – which is absolutely beautiful, He is SUCH a Holy Holy Holy God that we should be filled with love and trembling respect at the thought of Him – He popped a verse in my head about when Jesus said “I’m going to prepare a place for you.” And I couldn’t think of the scripture reference. And I literally just flipped to the New Testament and there the verse was… In John 14. He. Is. So. Cool. I actually almost googled the verse to find the reference. But instead asked Him to reveal it to me. Y’all. Marvelous. Way better than Google. Here’s the verse…

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Fathers home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you so that you will always be with me where I am.”

The Creator of this beautiful earth has prepared a place for me. Soaking that up right now. He cares enough to actually have a home waiting for me in His Kingdom. Not only is He perfectly Holy. He is also perfectly and intimately concerned with where I am. Where we are. He cares. And because of Jesus I can come to His throne BOLDLY and EXPECTANTLY.

He doesn’t care a little. He cares a LOT. And that right there we can take to the bank. I have lived – like so many other people I know, too – like He cares a little. Sure, He wants to help me pick my mate, give us the right kids, find us our jobs, etc… but He wants us to live here being more at home with Him than with anyone or anything else. Wow. He is our home here. And it’s just a shadow of our real home to come in Heaven. 

A little further along in the same chapter…

“Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do.” 

I can hear Him saying that directly to me: Just believe me, Lauren. And if you’re struggling with just simply believing, at least believe because of the marvelous things I have done in your life. 

Yes, Jesus. I muster every ounce of my heart and just sit in belief. 

Speaking of “the work I have seen Him do”…

Marvelous happenings…recently:

Asked Him simply if marvelous still counts now that Wills is gone. Within hours He confirmed that marvelous is still a pillar for us here on earth. And has given the word marvelous again and again since…

Walt lost a bible a year or two ago. Found it on December 11th. Opened the front page, was given to him on December 11th 9 years earlier 🙂

Fenley is finally potty trained – straight up miracle! Best birthday present ever! And she’s my hero too. Our bond is legit and I am so thankful for her rich life. 

Prayed about quitting writing. He answered it within minutes literally to keep telling my special story with Him. 

Prayer wanting to find something “new” of Wills’… Next day Fenley brought one of his pacifiers to me that she had found under our couch 🙂 felt like a punch in the gut but then I dissolved into the sweetest tears thanking Him for that paci popping up randomly. 

Getting to share our marvelous story live with Pinelake Madison family soon. 

Prayed for snow this winter – have gotten it twice – both times while in my birthday week and last week of my 20s! When it snows I feel so close to Wills. 

God is providing for us financially so perfectly…story would make your head spin. Will share one day I hope. 

Just to name a few. If I boast about anything, it’s what Jesus has done in us and for us. And I will brag on Him for eternity…we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. Revelation 12:11. And yes I googled that scripture reference 🙂 haha. 

Want to just believe Him. I’m that wayward heart that He has had to prove who He is through His pursuit of me. I believe, Lord! You are worthy of all respect and belief I have to offer! And I hope and pray and know that anyone who comes sincerely seeking You will be rewarded with the BEST thing – You. “It is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that God exists and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6… Amen 🙂

Night night. 
Lauren

PS – This is my last post in my 20s. Pray for my 30th year? Thank you in advance 🙂 He is listening. 

Lately

Hello little world. I worked at my friends store yesterday. She’s letting me work off my Christmas ticket 🙂 honestly the most generous person I know. She paid me way more than I was worth while I was pursuing baking earlier this year so I could afford a babysitter for Fenley. Love her to pieces. 


Anyway, was working with my other dear friend up there yesterday and she made the comment… “Your little world has definitely grown.” What a true statement! We rarely go somewhere that we aren’t stopped and get to hear a heart warming story of how God has used Wills’ life in their life, family, home. Proud momma. Strong son. Perfect God. Selfless Savior. 


It’s amazing to see what God is still doing here in the Bowie household. Learning that He will never stop. His pursuit of us is unending. Who needs unending unfailing love? Who needs a relationship that isn’t based on status or performance? As one mentor/friend/truth guru texted me tonight… God is not a riddle. He’s a green pasture 🙂 Who needs a green pasture? Me, me, me! Now if I can just lie down in that green pasture instead of analyzing where I should put my blanket…

Shortly after Wills went to Heaven I was obsessed with hoping that Wills remembers me. I wanted him to remember what I look like. Remember my love. Know our story together. Know I’m writing and loving on behalf of him. Know that he is my mamas boy and how proud of him I am. Seriously was consumed with hoping he still knew me in a real way. Then one afternoon I had a worship session in my closet and The Lord put a beautiful hope on my heart… a hope that Wills knows ONE THING about me: that I claim his Savior as my Savior too. That my heart claims one name: Jesus. The same Jesus he lives with also lives in his mama and daddy. Wills is in Heaven and he is living WITH Jesus who is eternal life (1 John 1:2). And his mama is on earth and living THROUGH Jesus til I can be with them in eternal life… True bond. We share THE ONE thing really worth sharing 🙂 makes me so happy to think about.

Ok so new normal is pretty entertaining to me lately…

1) Granny Jill somehow talked me into a spray tan today. Needless to say I still stink and have partially orange hands tonight as I type this. 

2) I finally got my roots done last week. Teri at LaCru wouldn’t let me pay her. Heart of gold. Love that woman. So I’m officially blonde again! 

3) Our Christmas was really sweet and really hard, all at once 🙂 Hard knowing I’m only two and a half months postpartum yet no baby carrier to tote around. Walt and I bought ourselves what we wanted for Christmas basically – just this one year am I letting it slide 🙂 not one surprise under the tree for either of us. Yet the best Christmas to date. I carried Wills’ lovey with me in my purse that day. It helped my heart. How good is God that we can have bleeding hearts yet still have a sweet and full holiday? When you go through something like this – as bad as it hurts and ugly as it feels – you realize you really only need Him to have peace.

4) Fenley woke me up a few mornings ago by saying… “Mommy, you’re my hero.” 🙂 

5) I am planning my 30th birthday party – yes that’s right…I’m planning it. Have I mentioned I’m a bit into celebrations? Poor Walt. No way he could plan what I have in my head. He knows it. I know it. Let’s just say I see visions of pink, gold and glitter. Saying goodbye to my 20s and thrilled about it. I was born to be at least 30. Old soul. Used to tell my parents to tell boys who asked me out that I couldn’t date yet. Such a nerd. 

6) Also planning Fenleys 3rd birthday and per her request – an alligator party. I specifically told the girl designing the invites that I didn’t want a “preppy alligator” theme but instead like a “whimsical or funky alligator” theme. I get the file emailed to me from her and the title of the file was “Preppy Alligator”. Haha. I got my panties in a wad for about 3 seconds – then remembered I’m not that person anymore, shrugged my shoulders, emailed her a few changes and moved on. “First world problems” have never left me easier. I love it. And I now love Fenleys party invitations 🙂 just not sure I’ll ever get them mailed out!

7) Have gotten to rekindle a few old relationships lately. Been so cool. One friend in particular is a soul sister for sure now. I stayed with my parents last night and she came over. My dad cooked for us and we shared a bottle of red wine and our hearts (and maybe a few tears) by the fire til after midnight. She’s 6 years younger than me and way wiser I do believe 🙂 huge heart, steady hand, big prayers. She trusts The Lord with abandon and it’s inspiring to me. She doesn’t see that about herself but it’s oh so true. Also obsessed with her mom who I want to come teach me how to decorate my house…with deer heads and still keep it classy like her 🙂 I think that means I need a bigger house. Only one problem…likely I’ll never move from this house now considering who I got to raise here 🙂 

Really just learning more about myself and my God every day. Don’t want to analyze as much. Want to be truly free to accept His marvelous love more readily. And to just live in His love. Want my heart to know how to melt into Him really well…and to admire His fingerprints on the souls He puts in my life. We all have a number of days. I want mine to be marked most with love…I want the story and do believe I am living the story that can only be written by Love Himself. Won’t you join me? 🙂 

Guess that’s it for now. Learning to love for an audience of One and loving it… 

Lauren











Immanuel

So I got a really sweet gift in the mail this week. An anonymous gift, at that. A bracelet with Wills’ birthstone. The note said…”Some friends are thinking of you.” It lit me up inside. It’s so humbling and heart warming to know people are thinking of our hearts and Wills. And that they want to help make it better by giving me a bracelet along with their love. Means the world to us.  

People are awesome. I know this world is ugly but God knew what He was doing when He redeemed us through His Son and formed the body of Christ after Jesus went home…community in Christ is so rich, so beautiful, so meaningful. Just more marvelous fruit to add to the ever growing list of “marvelous happenings”.

Did some Christmas wrapping yesterday. Doing it with a less stressed heart this year…not so caught up in the commercialized lies. None of my presents will have perfectly coordinated bows, or even ugly bows for that matter – because I keep forgetting to buy bows. Oops! Farewell to the idea that all needs to appear perfect so I can feel Merry and Bright. I mostly blame Pinterest 🙂 

Read today in Acts that God doesn’t NEED anything from us. Human hands can’t serve His needs because He doesn’t have any! He Himself gives life and breath. He is not far from any of us – and His hope is that we would seek Him (Acts 17:22-31… HEAVILY paraphrasing). And a beautiful thought sweeps over me… Instead of heaping on guilt as Christians at Christmas time (for over spending, for not doing enough for the poor, for having or not having Santa) I want to just take a deep breath, drink some crockpot hot chocolate, open a fun present, give of myself and smile a deep joy knowing I am His and He is mine. And that’s the best gift we can receive this year…being TRULY loved by Him. And a great gift we can give Him back is to sit on Christmas Day and just marinate in His love. Sit until you feel it. Soak it up and thank Him for it. Then if He tells you to get your butt up and out of your flannel pajamas to go give a $143 tip to a kid on roller skates serving cars at Sonic having to work Christmas Day, then you’ll go do it because of intimacy with Him. Not out of duty or obligation or guilt. Dancing with Him…the highest calling 🙂 

God isn’t threatened by Santa. Or the media trying to phase Him out of this holiday or country, for that matter. Or anything stealing His glory. However, He is jealous for YOUR love and YOUR heart. Choose to give Him all of you. Simple as that. The media can say “Happy Holidays” all day long…but guess Whose Word stands forever. And thankfully 2,000 or so years ago, He called this season “Immanuel” and that name it will be forever… Period. 

Oh how I’ve come to love and depend on that name. Found an old prayer journal from earlier this year. The first prayer written in it was from January 1, 2013. I specifically asked God to invade our hearts, thoughts, plans, goals, spirits and home in 2013. Also told Him I wanted to say YES to sacrifice, obedience and believing faith. Wow. And I am here to testify that Who we are celebrating this Christmas is a LISTENER and a PROMISE KEEPER. Everything is on purpose with Him. Not one tear or heartache is unaccounted for… Hallelujah! What a thought!

So let’s celebrate “God with us” this Christmas. Because He certainly is with us. In the big family lunches. In the lonely place. In the car. In the meltdowns. In the family drama. In the bowless presents. In the happy tears and ugly cries. In the broken hearts. And for us and many other moms and dads this year, in the empty cribs… Just whisper Immanuel and feel yourself melt into Him…

Ho, Ho, Ho! 🙂
Lauren


Another cool thing I found in my old prayer journal. Wrote to Him as Marvelous God in May of 2013 🙂


Cannot even handle the sweetness of this picture! Thank you to Leah Hendrix for these pictures of our family. She wouldn’t let us pay her 🙂 again…the body of Christ is amazing. And we are thankful!

The other night Fenley dressed up as “Mary”, daddy was “Joseph” and I was “the wise men” and baby Jesus was “in her tummy”. Cutest moment yet this Christmas, hands down…

And this is her rock star altar ego 🙂 haha. 

Wouldn’t be a good blog post without a picture of my WLB…outside the day of his baby dedication with Jeff. Best. Day. Ever.