Hello, my name is Lauren Masa Landrum Bowie and I threw my very own pity party this morning. It was really fun… Ok, not really.
Among the thoughts this morning…
1) Why me?
2) 9 weeks is a long time to know your son has a “not livable” condition diagnosis. We are in our 9th week currently and have 36 days left at the most. We are weary.
3) My blood pressure has been a little elevated so I can’t really do a whole lot and really really have to watch what I eat. Goodbye, October candy corn obsession.
4) I don’t want to go to the grocery store.
5) Fenley is really hard to potty train and I am failing miserably.
6) I just want to get dressed, feel cute, go on a date with my husband and not think about such heavy things for even a moment…
7) I feel really fat 🙂
8) I’m tired of wearing the same clothes over and over and over…
9) I miss Walt. Mondays are never pretty for me because we’ve had him home all weekend and now we are back by ourselves.
You get the picture.
One of the hardest things right now is knowing how to pray, what to pray, what to ask for, what to expect in faith, etc… I know I am over complicating it. I know I just need to be honest with God. My honesty right now is just not very inspiring and it’s kinda exhausting…even just trying to be honest with myself.
All that said… I do have a point to my rambling.
I’m a picture person. I always have my camera. Well, I lost my camera charger. It’s an older model so finding a replacement charger has been hard and has been on my to do list since about February 🙂 the closer we get to Wills’ delivery, the more this camera charger has nagged my mind (of the million other things).
This morning during my pity party, I started looking at my list to see what I could get out of the way, from home, while I’m on self imposed bed rest (my doctor thinks I’m crazy I’m sure…he told me bed rest was not necessary but I’m trying to do all I can to keep me and Wills healthy). Seeing that camera charger still on my list, I felt the Holy Spirit say… Call your grandparents. I shrugged it off. He said it again. So I called my dads parents in Laurel and left them a voice message knowing they probably thought I was crazy too, looking for this random camera charger.
Short story long 🙂 she called me back and said they had a random camera charger in their junk drawer that fits LP-E5 batteries…my exact charger. Turns out I left it there when we had Fenleys second birthday party there in January of this year. She’s mailing it to me today and I was overly excited about this sweet victory. We get off the phone and I felt God say to my heart…
You didn’t pray about your camera charger. But I found it for you and met that desire so you could have a charged camera at the hospital for Wills’ arrival. How much more do you think I have his arrival planned?
Cue the happy tears… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… He’s taking really good care of me 🙂 once again, God has intervened in my misery and turned it into hope! Is our diagnosis different? Nope. Do I know anything new about Wills or the delivery? Nope. But God comes and says…I AM ENOUGH. And I say back and I deeply know that yes, You certainly are…
That’s all for today, little world…from one mama that had a pity party, who thought she was alone, but turns out someone else attended that pity party and even brought me a present…my missing camera charger 🙂