Wellllll. We did it!!!!! It was a group effort, so if you have prayed for us, fed us, celebrated with us, cried with us… just stop what you’re doing and pat yourself on the back.
We made it one whole year without Wills.
So much LIFE has happened in one year. From the last 12 months, I could literally talk for the next 3 months straight and not get all of the stories out. LIFE HAS HAPPENED HERE. And we finally can see life. God has given us eyes to see and ears to hear. I’m so thankful. Still a construction zone but geez I’m grateful for the progress. At least we now have a foundation and a roof and maybe a front door and a few windows.
Something about reaching the one year mark of losing Wills has birthed this new found steadfastness, joy, contentment, strength in me. I wanna tell him… baby boy, your legacy is LIFE. Jesus has used and is still using your story to teach me His love, His provision, His goodness. He used your marvelous life to refine me and purify me and grow me up in His truth and love. And I’m not even the lucky one in this story. The lucky one is you, baby boy.
Question – in the first chapter of the book of Joshua – God tells Joshua to “be strong and courageous” like 4 or 5 times. I wonder how long it took him to internalize that message? How long til he wasn’t shaking in his boots all the time? When he was old and gray, did he think back and chuckle at his chicken self? How many times did it take for him to realize he was equipped to be strong and courageous? How long to realize that if God called him strong and courageous that God MEANT it? We like to think that God gives us a word or a promise and that He fulfills it that instant. But ya know, we are like sheep. Prone to wander and wonder… it takes time to internalize in our stubborn hearts and minds. Not to mention all the while being terribly humbled and feeling the EXACT opposite of strong and courageous. Or dare I say, marvelous.
For an entire year, my goal has been survival. Digging up gold and looking for marvelous, too. But mostly point A to point B to point C. I have read the definition of marvelous over and over. I have studied my bible. I have shared our story. But not until recently, have I begun to bubble over with marvelous joy, peace, hope, love. I’m typing through broken and tired tears but nodding yes, He who has called us is faithful to His word. Down to every last detail, promise and definition.
If God has given you a word or a promise, stand on it, even when it doesn’t look or feel that way. Death doesn’t feel marvelous but God’s steadfast love has proven marvelous and He has shaped me like clay in the hand of a potter. Submit, yield, cry, pray, read, press in, press on, stand.
Your stride WILL be made steady. Your knees WILL stop shaking. Your tears WILL slow. Your heart WILL warm up. Your face WILL smile with joy again. You WILL BE FOREVER CHANGED. And with God, you WILL find yourself somehow forever thankful for the heartache that woke you up to His never changing goodness.
Am I done mourning Wills? Never. But may I have a moment to jump for joy at the MARVELOUS that God has rained down in the last 14 months? Please and thank you.
I am living in the ripple effect of the God ordained life and death of my son… and can’t help but marvel at the miracles still unfolding. Dumbfounded at the how of God’s goodness but oh so thankful in this moment.
Some pictures… of LIFE. Judging by my camera roll we’ve baked a lot, taken a lot of selfies and enjoyed the heck out of each other and some pretty awesome people God has put in our life.